In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
