I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
