well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
