you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
