Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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