My first STD was from a foam party
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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