I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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