So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
