Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
