we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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