I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
