Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
