So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
