the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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