how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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