You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
