You work out of a Hotel?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
