What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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