My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
