So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
she smelled like a LAN party
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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