She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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