it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
