Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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