i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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