I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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