Walk of Shame today included voting.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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