i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
