I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We need to get me chipped asap
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
