We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
