is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
