So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize