I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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