i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am puke
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
the liver wants what the liver wants
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
