In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
