i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
