Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
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