She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
