I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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