just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
