He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
