Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
