I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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