when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Acid is not a monday night drug
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
