youre lurking in front of me
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
