I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
