Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
