So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
