broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
