I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
