If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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