I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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