Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
