Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
