The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
