On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we're making bets on your personal life
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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