Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
