my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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