Even the bartender felt bad for me
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
