if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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