whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
