the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize