2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I stole a fireplace last night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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