He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm always down for nudity.
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