I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
