Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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