She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
