Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My feet surprised me
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
