You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
