I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
