just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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