I think im going to throw up on grandma
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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