Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
